Joshua Tree Ad (Vlad the Impaler)

As of about an hour ago, we had a Joshua tree in our new house’s back yard. I posted an ad on to see if anyone would actually want this tree before I chopped it down and got rid of it.

The ad had 200 views within 48 hours. Now, about a month later, it’s had 400 and it’s time to take the ad down because some guy named Alex loves these things and came and got it.

The ad’s pretty funny, I’m told. So I thought I’d preserve it here for posterity. Not posterior, posterity. Here you go:

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This is an actual, honest-to-goodness, Joshua tree. Yes, the kind that is part of the yucca family. Yes, the kind that poses an actual risk to boisterous, easily distracted kids.

Don’t believe me? Take a look at the photo and imagine a laughing child who is playing tag and looking behind her to make sure she’s staying ahead of her insane brother running full-tilt into that tree.

A gruesome image, to be sure.

I have dubbed this tree Vlad the Impaler.

We just bought and moved into this home and I am beginning the renovation of the back yard. Imagine my delight when I recognized the Joshua tree, with U2 songs instantly cueing up in my head. Imagine my surprise when I reached for the tree and cursed at the dot of blood that welled up.

Imagine my embarrassed rage when I forgot it was there and stood up under it, causing some involuntary acupuncture in my cranium.

Please take this tree before I stake it in the heart, throw holy water on it, and burn it. Or at least before Kate Beckinsale finds it and falls in love with it.

Also, Buffy says she’s on her way and the clock’s ticking.

Act now and this medieval torture device can be yours!

(The ad may be funny, but the tree’s seriously for sale. Typically this kind of tree doesn’t like winter, but this one’s flourishing. Also, it’s $25 plus the effort and expense you go to in order to remove it from the ground.)

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What do you think? Funny? Overwrought? Too much? Too soon? Too soft?

What’s the funniest ad you’ve ever seen? Post the link in the comments and we can all chortle together.

About jaredgarrett

Jared Garrett is the author of Beat, a YA scifi thriller, and its forthcoming sequel, both published by Future House Publishing. A new series, debuting in January 2016 and also published by Future House, kicks off with Lakhoni, a fast-paced rescue adventure in a world reminiscent of Aztec culture, to be released in January 2016. He self-published Beyond the Cabin, a novelization of his childhood in a cult, in December 2014. Both Beat and Beyond the Cabin were Whitney Award nominees, and his story Song of the Wind, received honorable mention in the Writers of the Future contest. In addition to writing, he's spent fifteen years in adult education and is an accomplished public speaker and workshop leader.
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